Truth is AWESOMER than fiction.

Enter kid. Kid gets friend's email log on and password at school. Kid gets pictures of dicks. Kid emails pictures of dicks to every student and every teacher on the global address book at his high school.

Kid is in deep shit.

Lol Kid. Lol.

Tom Waits and Storytime!

So anyone who's ever listened to Tom Waits knows he has a tendency to just yabber on and on before he actually sings his song. This happens more in his live performances than on his cd's, but just so y'all have an idea of what kind of man we're talking about? This little dialogue precedes his live rendition of Train Song.

"The question I get asked the most is (it happens a lot, enough that I'd remark about it) - a lot of people come up to me and say 'Tom, is it possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse'. And my answer is always the same, I always say 'Listen we'll have to go all the way back to the Civil War. Apparently a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and then launched itself in the ovaries of an 18 year old girl who was actually a hundred feet from him at the time. Well, the baby was fine, she was very happy, guilt free. Course the soldier's a little pissed off. But when you think about it it's actually a form of intercourse, but not for everyone. Those who love action maybe.'"

And here it is.

ZOMG WHEELZ.

So my car, it's like broken. It's been stalling out all week. When I took it to the dealership, they tried to tell me there was nothing wrong with it, that the computer was just mis-firing and the check engine light was on by accident.

I promptly told them they were wrong. I was even quasi-polite when I told them they were wrong considering I'd been waiting an hour and forty five minutes for them to come tell me NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH A STALLING CAR.

Fortunately for them (their ears most notably) on their second test drive of the car, it stalled as I said it would, so now they're stumped. They sent me home, wondering aloud if I'd been dumb enough to put diesel in the gas tank. The answer is a very firm FUCK NO I'M NOT THAT RETARDED.

So! They have no clue what's wrong with my car, but it's under warranty for another 6 months and 6 thousand miles, so they WILL figure it out.

Turkeys.

They travel in clusters. Groups. Packs? Is it a gaggle of turkeys?

WHO THE CRAP CARES.

They get in the road when I'm trying to go to work, and all I see when I accelerate at them is a small flattened herd of DELICIOUS SAMMICHES in my head.

Stupid birds.

Chillin'.

And Illin'.

Another list of tunes, this one less apt to make you cut yourself.

*****

Sting - Until
Frente - Labor of Love
Lunascape - Lane Navachi
Duran Duran - Ordinary World
Ivy - Worry About You
Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line
Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect
Air - All I Need
Lindsey Buckingham - Did You Miss Me
Jem - They
Malcolm McLaren - About Her
Dusty Springfield - Windmills of Your Mind
Chris Rea - On the Beach
Frou Frou - Let Go
Depeche Mode - Policy of Truth
Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am
Nick Drake - One of These Things First
(Mirrormask) - If I Apologized (from the flick, no idea the actual artist)

Also, <3s ma Von.